I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
