dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
