I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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