I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
