Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
