what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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