I looked at my own cervix.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
