once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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