When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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