But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
