I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
