We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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