About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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