Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
