got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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