Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
