She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
