The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
