Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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