I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
