I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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