i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the day after is always just damage control
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
