Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
