Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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