I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
