my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
