I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
