WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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