My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she woke up with a sticky ear
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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