Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
