I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
