Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
