The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
