I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
