Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
