I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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