yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
