new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
