I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
