I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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