I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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