you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
