I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have feelings that need drinking.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
