Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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