she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
