Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Randomize
