And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
