I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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