My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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