So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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