The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
