if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
