I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
