Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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