dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The Olympian is in my bed
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
