He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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