oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize