He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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