hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
