This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
