She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
