i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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