the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
