I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My balls are so social today.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
