She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
