i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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