I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
