he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
