He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
