were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I need moral support for this bender
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
