Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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