the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
