Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
