Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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