when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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