So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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