Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
