HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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