I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
