you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
