I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize