who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
