After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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