Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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