I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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