My underwear smells like fireworks.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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