just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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