So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
