I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
