i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i've created a new STD.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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