Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
