You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
