fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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