There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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