Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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