I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
