you have to choose: penises or morals?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
3pm strippers are depressing
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
