I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
