weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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