Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
