Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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