Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize