you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
