So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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