Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
